The anime character pledge

[larryhammer]

If I am ever a character in a manga or anime, I hereby promise to:

1. Find a way to save the world without dying.
   
2. Not pretend to be someone of my opposite sex while attending a boarding school. Day school is iffy, but can be done as long as my parents aren't forcing me. (Cross-dressing is a different issue, but best left outside of school anyway.)
   
3. Take up a martial art other than kendo. Flower-arrangement-jitsu sounds good.
   
4. Never be a second-in-command with an angsty backstory. It is inevitably fatal. If I find myself cast as one, I will resign my commission, no matter how much I want revenge against the enemy.
   
5. Use my new-found godlike powers only for good. Even if my little sister steals my boyfriend.
   
6. Never develop romantic feelings for anyone I call onii-san/onee-san (big brother/big sister), even as a courtesy title. This goes double if I use -sama (respectful address). Triple if I use -chan (familiar or diminutive address). Quadruple if I live alone with him/her.
   
7. Never let anyone address me with -chama (diminutive + respectful). If anyone does, I will drop-kick them into the nearest temple/shrine for a exorcism. This goes double if they request that I address them with -chama.
   
8. Use stealth and guile to win, not my mad fighting skillz. The latter only leads to more fights and periodic power-ups.
   
9. Never live with several other young women plus one young man. No matter how cheap the place is, it's not worth it. Until I can move out, I'll never wear a skirt, always keep on modest underwear, and before bathing or changing clothes, double-check that I'm alone, the door's locked, and shades are drawn tight.
   
10. Expect Death to be, say, a cutie in a kimono riding a floating oar, or Santa to be a biker chick on a hovercycle, or the lake monster to be my little brother. These things happen.
    
11. Never flash my panties. Ever.
    
12. Raise my new-found little sister-or-equivalent without any sexual shenanigans. Except possibly with a classmate my age -- and only if little sister approves of her.
    
13. Not take up photography as a hobby, let alone profession.
    
14. Decide on my feelings for the girl before the national championships.
    
15. Not touch the bishounen. They may be pretty to look at, but anything more can only lead to tears.
    
16. Go into chibi form no more than three times a chapter.
    
17. Not be a pure-hearted idiot who can be distracted from asking crucial questions such as "Wait -- you knew my mother?" or "Just who ARE you anyway?" by, say, someone pointing out a cute cloud.
    
18. Watch out, when I'm disappointed, for my falling word balloon. It hurts if it lands on my head.
    
19. Pay attention when jaunty accordion music comes on. It means trouble's starting.
    
20. Pay attention to any boy with an attack chicken. He's important.
    
21. Pay attention to the penguin that follows me home. It's not important, but it is way cute. If way random.

Did I miss anything?

---L.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_twilight_/]

I never really noticed that, but will look the next time I watch/read it.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

I mean, there are exceptions -- Kusanagi's girlfriends. The nurse is a girlie-girl, right? With classic, enormous anime breasts.

But then there's Togusa's wife: classic.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_twilight_/]

Hahaha!