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larryhammerI've mentioned renga before, a collaborative Japanese verse form where one person writes the first half (5-7-5) of a poem and another writes the last half (7-7), then someone else writes a second half (5-7-5) to that, then another capping that (7-7), and so on till you have a long chain of bits, each both the last half of one poem and the first half of a separate, unrelated poem. (Writing a good opening 5-7-5 was a prized skill, and haiku evolved from that.)
A little bit ago,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
asakiyume and I started playing with one in her journal, sparked by a photo she posted. In the original, there were all sorts of rules about the length of the chain and the order subjects were brought up. We ignored those, the form being difficult enough as it is. A complete copy is here:
Under the green pine,
blue skywater lies in wait
in the still canal.
--L
A frog jumps in
And ripples warp the clouds
in the canal
--A
A wind from the clear northwest
empties the endless sky
--L
Waiting for the bus
head tilted up, he catches
the first yellow leaf
--A
For his absent master, yes,
Dog is a mighty hunter
--L
How long a wait
Before flesh turns to bronze,
Faithful Hachiko?
--A
Must my flesh, too, freeze for her
to arrive in Shibuya?
--L
One day, like the waves,
my Kagoshima summer
will roll over me
--L
The beach where we parted
Air is salty; memory, bitter
--A
The mountains remain,
laden with sweet raspberries
tart elderberries
--L
gorged on fermented windfalls
the horses stumble sideways
--A
once an orchard,
now a subdivision:
do ghost trees haunt it?
--A
A tumbleweed rolls through
a deserted development
--L
Where are the spots marked
"Here be dragons"? None left on Earth?
Then let's sail Titan's seas.
--A
Time-traveling postcards arrive,
deceptively, in my mail
--L
"Love always," he writes.
In the deepening twilight
Vesuvius rumbles
--A
An archeologist blinks
wiping a tear with her sleeve
--L
Homemade chicken soup
Will drive the sniffles away
Mmm, comforting smell
--A
Steaming cup wrapped in her hand,
She watches out the window
--L
So shy, so modest
they cover themselves in mist
the departing geese
--A
Returning laughter echoes
through dormitory hallways
--L
Just once slipped them on
And posed tall in the mirror
Brother's track medals
--A
A fox among the chestnuts
The hounds will never see him
--A
In the secure hutch
chickens ruffle and then still,
returning to sleep
--L
Is it wakeful or drowsy,
the moon in its drift of cloud
--A
I turn over but,
no, the bed is still empty,
the ceiling still dark
--L
My cat's claws pierce the blanket
Telling me it's time to rise
--A
Somewhere, far away,
is a place where paws can use
a can opener.
--L
just dial "one eight-hundred
endless possibilities"
--A
"Our Boddhisatvas
are standing by for all your
compassionate needs"
--L
careful four-year-old fingers
lift the worm onto the grass
--A
A green body lifts,
searches around, then drops down
to arch the next inch
--L
A bright leaf hangs down, waiting
for the next gust to drop off
--L
Just one frosty kiss
and all your crimson finery
falls around your feet
--A
Ecdysiast trees wait nude
for spring's curtain to rise
--L
"shameful! cover up!"
Winter snows will not suffer
such brazen displays
--A
Nudes are reduced to white lumps
in snowbound sculpture gardens
--L
Its ramparts of shell
cannot protect the castle
from the rising tide
--A
Turning the hourglass over
only sends sand down again
--L
House, mother, village
all gone now? Then dust to dust
let me now return
--A
Urashima pushes off,
paddling for open sea
--L
stormy petrel
no bed but the tossing waves
no home but the sky
--A
Above vermilion canyons
the condor soars in circles
--L
wind through the aspens
suddenly the air is filled
with golden coins
--A
Head craned to watch the Perseids
in the long grass, fireflies
--A
Children run with nets ...
an empty jar glows pale green ...
two crickets chirp love ...
--L
Quieter now, and slower
On the last note, he lingers
--A
As ripples die off,
the weft of high clouds reforms
while they drift away ...
--L
This was, as you can probably tell, great fun. Thank you,asakiyume, for letting me take part.
---L.
A little bit ago,
asakiyume and I started playing with one in her journal, sparked by a photo she posted. In the original, there were all sorts of rules about the length of the chain and the order subjects were brought up. We ignored those, the form being difficult enough as it is. A complete copy is here:Under the green pine,
blue skywater lies in wait
in the still canal.
--L
A frog jumps in
And ripples warp the clouds
in the canal
--A
A wind from the clear northwest
empties the endless sky
--L
Waiting for the bus
head tilted up, he catches
the first yellow leaf
--A
For his absent master, yes,
Dog is a mighty hunter
--L
How long a wait
Before flesh turns to bronze,
Faithful Hachiko?
--A
Must my flesh, too, freeze for her
to arrive in Shibuya?
--L
One day, like the waves,
my Kagoshima summer
will roll over me
--L
The beach where we parted
Air is salty; memory, bitter
--A
The mountains remain,
laden with sweet raspberries
tart elderberries
--L
gorged on fermented windfalls
the horses stumble sideways
--A
once an orchard,
now a subdivision:
do ghost trees haunt it?
--A
A tumbleweed rolls through
a deserted development
--L
Where are the spots marked
"Here be dragons"? None left on Earth?
Then let's sail Titan's seas.
--A
Time-traveling postcards arrive,
deceptively, in my mail
--L
"Love always," he writes.
In the deepening twilight
Vesuvius rumbles
--A
An archeologist blinks
wiping a tear with her sleeve
--L
Homemade chicken soup
Will drive the sniffles away
Mmm, comforting smell
--A
Steaming cup wrapped in her hand,
She watches out the window
--L
So shy, so modest
they cover themselves in mist
the departing geese
--A
Returning laughter echoes
through dormitory hallways
--L
Just once slipped them on
And posed tall in the mirror
Brother's track medals
--A
A fox among the chestnuts
The hounds will never see him
--A
In the secure hutch
chickens ruffle and then still,
returning to sleep
--L
Is it wakeful or drowsy,
the moon in its drift of cloud
--A
I turn over but,
no, the bed is still empty,
the ceiling still dark
--L
My cat's claws pierce the blanket
Telling me it's time to rise
--A
Somewhere, far away,
is a place where paws can use
a can opener.
--L
just dial "one eight-hundred
endless possibilities"
--A
"Our Boddhisatvas
are standing by for all your
compassionate needs"
--L
careful four-year-old fingers
lift the worm onto the grass
--A
A green body lifts,
searches around, then drops down
to arch the next inch
--L
A bright leaf hangs down, waiting
for the next gust to drop off
--L
Just one frosty kiss
and all your crimson finery
falls around your feet
--A
Ecdysiast trees wait nude
for spring's curtain to rise
--L
"shameful! cover up!"
Winter snows will not suffer
such brazen displays
--A
Nudes are reduced to white lumps
in snowbound sculpture gardens
--L
Its ramparts of shell
cannot protect the castle
from the rising tide
--A
Turning the hourglass over
only sends sand down again
--L
House, mother, village
all gone now? Then dust to dust
let me now return
--A
Urashima pushes off,
paddling for open sea
--L
stormy petrel
no bed but the tossing waves
no home but the sky
--A
Above vermilion canyons
the condor soars in circles
--L
wind through the aspens
suddenly the air is filled
with golden coins
--A
Head craned to watch the Perseids
in the long grass, fireflies
--A
Children run with nets ...
an empty jar glows pale green ...
two crickets chirp love ...
--L
Quieter now, and slower
On the last note, he lingers
--A
As ripples die off,
the weft of high clouds reforms
while they drift away ...
--L
This was, as you can probably tell, great fun. Thank you,
asakiyume, for letting me take part.---L.