Lifting up the hood and showing off the machinery

[larryhammer]

Modern edition text of Kokinshū #314:

竜田川 錦おりかく 神無月 時雨の雨を たてぬきにして

Romanized transliteration:

tatsuta gawa   nishiki orikaku   kannazuki   shigure no ame o   tatenuki ni shite

Word-for-word literal:

Tatsuta | River || brocade | weaves-toward || Godless Month || late autumn rains/drizzle/sleet | <-of | rain | <-dir.obj. || warp and weft | <-in-this-way | doing

Prose recension:

The Godless Month weaves [into] Tatsuta River a [leaf] brocade using as its warp and weft the (seasonal) rain/sleet.

Commentary: The first of Kokinshū's winter poems, author unknown, showing the transition from autumn: kannazuki (lit. "Godless Month") is an old name of the tenth month, roughly November in the former lunisolar calendar, when the eight million Shinto gods left their local shrines to attend a convention in Izumo (where it was called the Month of Gods). Tatenuki is an archaic term for the warp and weft of cloth. Left implied, making it hard to interpret unless you know to supply it consult Japanese commentaries, is the word "leaves" -- but aside from that it's fairly straightforward (to order of an odd verb form), with few poetic devices aside from the striking metaphor.

My final translation:

    The Godless Month weaves
a brocade of leaves into
    Tatsuta River,
using the rains of early
winter as its warp and weft.

---L.

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

That is gorgeous.

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

Presumably the GodCon venue has a really, really good bar.

[larryhammer]

Modern Japanese interpretations of what exactly happens in Izumo are fascinating. The most interesting I've seen may be in Kamichu!, where it's pretty much a straight-up convention of a professional organization, complete with presentations on career development, of the sort that also gets in a lot of socialization on the side (the goddess of death, who's a pop idol among the gods, gives a concert).

---L.

[ogre-san.livejournal.com]

Niiice.

[tabouli.livejournal.com]

Good job, there. Are you doing this for its own sake, or professionally, or both? Can you actually read Japanese yourself, or did you source the translation from someone bilingual?

Am fascinated by the art of translating poetry. Wouldn't mind trying my hand at it myself (cheesy pop songs aside).

[larryhammer]

For its own sake, and while the verb "read" implies a process a lot less painstaking and references-laden, it is yes my own work (I started (re)learning Japanese this summer and am having a lot of fun) rather than working off another's. Which is not to say I don't check my work against other translations, and even arguing with them.

---L.