larryhammer: drawing of a wildhaired figure dancing, label: "La!" (La!)
[personal profile] larryhammer
Stupid joke time!

So C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."

A five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Get out -- this is a singles bar."

What's your current favorite stupid joke? Non-bar jokes are encouraged!

---L.

Date: 5 February 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azang.livejournal.com
Why is a seagull called a seagull? Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a bay-gull (bagel.) ;)

Date: 5 February 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azang.livejournal.com
Where do generals keep their armies?

In their sleevies!

Date: 5 February 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azang.livejournal.com
*bows*

Date: 5 February 2009 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angevin2.livejournal.com
Dammit, that was the one I was going to tell. It's more fun out loud because you get to say "sleevies."

Date: 6 February 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azang.livejournal.com
I agree-vies!

Date: 5 February 2009 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stillnotbored.livejournal.com
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

So he could hide in the strawberry patch.

Date: 5 February 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] packbat.livejournal.com
This one works much better in person, but...

Q: How does every racist joke start?

A: *looks around furtively*

Date: 5 February 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] packbat.livejournal.com
...I just realized that most of my favorite jokes are meta-jokes - jokes that break the rules of joke-telling. ("Why is a raven like a writing desk?") In the interest of breaking the trend:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Justin.

Justin who?

Justin time for school.


Knock knock.

Who's there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Gesundheit!

Date: 5 February 2009 06:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] klwilliams.livejournal.com
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? Elephant grape sine theta.

Date: 6 February 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] packbat.livejournal.com
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountaineer? You can't - the mountaineer is a scalar!

Date: 5 February 2009 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pbray.livejournal.com
Q: What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

A: Hot cross bunnies!

(My favorite joke of all time, it appears to be hardwired in my brain)

Date: 5 February 2009 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rushthatspeaks.livejournal.com
Q: Why did the Nietzschean chicken cross the road?

A: To die. Alone. In the rain.

A classic Yalie joke: Q: How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. New Haven looks better in the dark.

Date: 5 February 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angevin2.livejournal.com
I don't know if it's stupid enough to qualify since it references Macbeth and has mildly advanced vocab, but I love it anyway:

Q: What did Macbeth say when he saw Birnam Wood marching to Dunsinane?
A: "Cheese it, the copse!"

Stupid in a 1066 and All That-humor kind of way:

Q: Who led the Pedants' Revolt?
A: Which Tyler.

Joke that everybody I know overanalyzes:

Q: How do you steam a clam?
A: Make fun of its religion.

Platonic humor:

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Date: 6 February 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angevin2.livejournal.com
Heeee, I hadn't heard the "nervous wreck" one before!

With the clam joke, the confusion invariably comes about because people think "clam" has a double meaning, when it doesn't.

Date: 6 February 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] janni.livejournal.com
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.


That one makes me giggle.

Date: 6 February 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] incandragon.livejournal.com
A fish swam into a wall.

He said, "Dam!"

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