Putting the Gay in Gay Cruise
20 January 2026 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stevenpiziksIn a gay space, none of that applies. It's completely safe to have a husband, to hold a man's hand, to put an arm around a man's waist or shoulders, to share a quick kiss--or a lingering one. You also don't have to watch every word or worry about who might be within earshot. It's a huge relief.
So anyway--gay cruise!
If you want to go on vacation, January is one of the best times for it. Everyone is coming off the holidays, and no one is in the mood--or has the money--to go out of town. This means the airport is dead. Security is a breeze. Hotel reservations are easy. Lovely!
We flew down to Miami, got on board the hotel's shuttle, spent the night, and took the hotel's shuttle to the cruise port. So easy! No crowding! And since Miami is in the same time zone as Michigan, there's no jet lag!
We didn't do anything in Miami but admire the weather. Wind that doesn't hurt your face--amazing! Though overnight an unusually cold front swept into the area and brought temperatures down into the low 60s, forcing us to stay in jeans and sweatshirts. This felt unfair, and I wanted to register a complaint somewhere, but didn't know where.
At the cruise port, we dropped our luggage off and cooled our heels at the port for a couple hours before we boarded. There was a huge passenger lounge set aside for this purpose, and right away, it was clear we were on a gay cruise. The cruise company keeps two sets of crew--the ones who run the ship and the ones who run the cruise. It was the latter group that greeted us. They were all strikingly handsome, well-built young men. It was like arriving at a gay Hooters. They greeted passengers with smiles and hugs and shoulder pats. I pointed out to Darwin that on a regular cruise, this would have caused a lot of trouble, but in our community, you'd have to work hard to find a guy who would turn down a hug from a man who could work as a runway model. We took up places on one of many sofas shaped like California king beds to await our boarding time in comfort and chat with the guys around us without worrying they might be right-wing nutjobs. When it came time to board, we were shepherded up the gangplank with alacrity, and never mind the drug-sniffing dog.
The Brilliant Lady is a brand new ship. She was launched last September, in fact. We could tell right away--the ship smells of new paint and carpet. Our cabin, at Darwin's insistence, was on the highest deck we could get. He loves the view. So do I. Our luggage was already waiting for us, so we unpacked and went down for a late lunch.
The ship sailed away right on time, and we watched from our balcony, always a nice prospect, though it was still chilly--we had to turn the cabin heat on!
This cruise was more laid-back for us than others we've done. We only scheduled a couple of shore activities and we spent most of our days loafing around and doing nothing much. But ... gay cruise! :) The other passengers are outgoing and friendly in the extreme. The population on this cruise also had a greater cross-section of ages. On our European trips, we were among the youngest passengers (!), but here there are guys who are barely old enough to drink and guys who could be their great-grandfathers and every age in between. I like this a lot better. The cruise has more of a party atmosphere, whether you want a quiet party or a loud one.
I've noticed a few other interesting differences.
After fifty years of experience, I've developed excellent gaydar. This is a useful survival tactic in regular life, but on a gay cruise, it was actually a detriment. See, when your gaydar goes PING!, your attention automatically goes to the person who set it off. Hey, look! One of us! A kindred soul! On this cruise, however, my gaydar pinged constantly. "Look!" it said. "There's one! And there's one! And there's one! And there's a whole bunch!" It became tiring, like someone was continually tapping my shoulder.
After a few days, this calmed down and I was able to function without constant distraction.
Gay men are also way more willing to wear ... fashionable swimwear than straight men. Lots of thongs, lots of mesh shirts, lots of tank tops. Stuff you don't much see on a more mainstream cruise--or beach. And there's no unwritten rule that only toned bodies can wear skimpy swimwear, thank you.
I know that weightlifting has long been a part of gay culture, but here I was forcibly reminded of it. First, everywhere you look, it's biceps, biceps, biceps. Almost every guy on board has worked those biceps, and they wear shirts that show it. (Here's a trick: to show off your arms in a loose-sleeved shirt, roll the sleeve cuff a few times.) Tight, mid-thigh shorts are common, too. Straight men don't often wear these clothes, even when they've worked hard on their bodies. You'd think they'd WANT to show off, but they rarely do. I think they're afraid of being ogled the way they ogle women.
And then there's the gym. Every cruise ship has a gym, but on regular cruises, it tends to be sparsely-attended. Fitness classes get maybe half a dozen attendees. On a gay cruise, the gym is packed and fitness classes are booked solid. I went in to do my own lifting regime and found every weight machine busy, with other guys waiting to use them. About half the guys were working out shirtless. They were pretending it was so they could see their contractions in the mirror, but they were showing off. It made for a nice bonus show, but I opted for a run in the nearly-deserted treadmill area instead.
Weightlifting in the gay community serves a number of functions, by the way It fends off the "gays are effeminate" stereotype. It's a social hub. And it's self-defense. Not many bigots are willing to gay-bash a guy who's packed with a couple hundred pounds of cut muscle. All of that was on display here.
The cruise has a theme party every evening: pink party, future party, white party, castaway party. That sort of thing. Darwin and I bought some outfits to fit them and the hunting was kind of fun, but the parties themselves ... meh. They're all the same. Everyone shows up in costumes that range from mild to wild and showing varying amounts of skin. Everyone stands in a massive crowd around the pool or around the balcony above it. Everyone tries to talk about the too-loud music. Almost no one dances. That last bit is odd, since the gay male stereotype is that we all dance like hell. Not here. That's what makes the parties kinda dull. After you've admired the clothes, there isn't much to do. So we stopped going to them.
As I said, Darwin and I haven't done much on shore for this cruise. It's partly that we don't want to rush around on this vacation, and partly because most of the stops don't interest us much. We're happy to stay on the ship and enjoy the service and the view. We did visit some Mayan ruins and a pineapple farm, where they sold pineapple corn bread. I bought some (as a tourist, I feel it's my job to buy stuff), and it was fantastic! It was more like cake than bread. I'll have to reverse-engineer it when I get home. In a couple days, we'll be in Aruba and we've booked a trip on a sightseeing submarine because it looks interesting, though submarines make me nervous. I'm going to pretend it's an amusement park ride, which will allow me to scream if things get too intense.
At this very moment, Darwin and I are on the aft deck on a big, comfy lounge couch under a shade umbrella. A waiter brought us grilled shrimp and Cokes. Later, I'll get a pina colada. The city of Cartagena is spread out across the horizon. All the skyscrapers are white (for heat management, I'm sure), making for a striking view. The weather is tropically pleasant, with a lovely breeze blowing. The weather report for Ypsilanti shows below-zero temperatures and nasty, blowing snow.
Yeah. We timed this right. Gay cruise for the win!
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