"I'm not jealous / I don't get moved by much / I'm not enragéd / I'm not insecure as such"

A draft of Petrarch's Rime Sparce 44, again rendered by prose pony (not the one on that page) and a gross misapplication of Spanish:

Caesar, with hands so ready to shed
On Thessaly the red of civil war,
Still wept for Pompey, son-in-law no more,
When he recognized his severed head;

And the shepherd who broke Goliath's head
Wept for Absalom, his rebellious son,
And even cried to hear good Saul was gone
And cursed in grief the wild hill where he bled;

But you, whom pity never has made pale,
Who always has defenses up and ready
Against Love's bow, which he draws in vain,

You've seen me die a thousand deaths already
But nevertheless no tears ever trail
From your eyes -- only anger and disdain.

My octave is still somewhat wobbly,* but the sestet is solid.** I find the contrast both simple and effective. There's stuff to learn here about not overcomplicating things.


* For one thing, the grief is the hill's, not David's -- and it's a mountain,*** not a hill.

** To order of wondering whether "against Love's arrow, which he shoots in vain" would be better English, at any rate.

*** Gilboa, where Saul killed himself after losing a battle to Philistines (1 Sam 31).

---L.

"I'm not jealous / I don't get moved by much / I'm not enragéd / I'm not insecure as such"

A draft of Petrarch's Rime Sparce 44, again rendered by prose pony (not the one on that page) and a gross misapplication of Spanish:

Caesar, with hands so ready to shed
On Thessaly the red of civil war,
Still wept for Pompey, son-in-law no more,
When he recognized his severed head;

And the shepherd who broke Goliath's head
Wept for Absalom, his rebellious son,
And even cried to hear good Saul was gone
And cursed in grief the wild hill where he bled;

But you, whom pity never has made pale,
Who always has defenses up and ready
Against Love's bow, which he draws in vain,

You've seen me die a thousand deaths already
But nevertheless no tears ever trail
From your eyes -- only anger and disdain.

My octave is still somewhat wobbly,* but the sestet is solid.** I find the contrast both simple and effective. There's stuff to learn here about not overcomplicating things.


* For one thing, the grief is the hill's, not David's -- and it's a mountain,*** not a hill.

** To order of wondering whether "against Love's arrow, which he shoots in vain" would be better English, at any rate.

*** Gilboa, where Saul killed himself after losing a battle to Philistines (1 Sam 31).

---L.