Tracing changing visions

[larryhammer]

First draft of 5 Nov 07:

These geese, flying south;
from these mountains and valleys,
I fold my own birds.

As posted 6 Nov 07:

Geese are flying south.
From mountain and valley folds
birds come to my hand.

Draft of 7 Nov 07:

Honkers flying south;
from the mountains and valleys
a bird folds to hand.

Draft of 8 Nov 07:

The honkers fly #$@^%#U*
argh ...

---L.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Why not keep the lot as a set, like "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird."

http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/stevens-13ways.html

(houseboatonstyx)

[larryhammer]

Mainly because, they're all trying to say the same thing, while the "Thirteen Ways" are all different.

I should try that sometime, though.

---L.

[maryosmanski.livejournal.com]

Thirteen ways.

There are nine-and-sixty ways
Of writing tribal lays...
And all of them are right.

four and twenty blackbirds
folded into a valley hand
I'll see your thirteen and raise you
eleven, one-eyed jacks are wild
geese flying south



It's late. I'll shut up now.

[larryhammer]

*blink* *blink*